QBIT $4,201.07 ▲ 14.2% BREAKING: Split the Bit achieves quantum supremacy over a TI-83 Q-COFFEE™ now ships in superposition (hot AND cold) Series F led by a hedge fund that does not technically exist Schrödinger's roadmap published — both shipped and not shipped Qubit count: 4 · also 4,000,000 · we will not be taking questions ψ-CLOUD region us-east-∞ now generally available in the multiverse QBIT $4,201.07 ▲ 14.2% BREAKING: Split the Bit achieves quantum supremacy over a TI-83 Q-COFFEE™ now ships in superposition (hot AND cold) Series F led by a hedge fund that does not technically exist Schrödinger's roadmap published — both shipped and not shipped Qubit count: 4 · also 4,000,000 · we will not be taking questions ψ-CLOUD region us-east-∞ now generally available in the multiverse
ψSplit/the/BitRequest Decoherence
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Data·v0.9·● GA in 1 of 4 timelines

Probabilistic ETL

Extract, Transform, Trust.

Probabilistic ETL transforms your raw events into clean, analytics-ready records, with a small but charming margin of fabrication.

Capabilities

What it does. Or appears to do.

/feature/01

Schema-flexible

If the source schema changes, our pipeline silently invents the missing columns based on prior art.

/feature/02

Idempotent-ish

Re-running the pipeline produces the same result up to a sign error.

Spec sheet

By the numbers (unverified).

Throughput1.2M events / sec, occasionally
SLAYes
PricingFrom $0.001 per event-considered.

Customer outcomes

Statements made by people, allegedly.

Our dashboards have never been more confident.

H. Vox

VP Marketing · Split the Bit

Frequently entangled questions

Things people have asked, in some branch.

Are records dropped?+

Records are reallocated to nearby pipelines via tunneling.

◇ Ready to deploy?

Bring Probabilistic ETL into your stack.

Or don't. The product will continue to exist either way, in some form, somewhere.