Q-CRM
The CRM your CFO is not allowed to use.
Q-CRM keeps every opportunity in superposition between closed-won and closed-lost until the end of the quarter, at which point the opportunity collapses based on whichever state will produce the most favorable QBR slides.
NoticeNot approved for use by CFOs, controllers, or auditors.
Capabilities
What it does. Or appears to do.
/feature/01
Probabilistic forecasting
Forecasts are presented as a distribution. Boards have learned to love this.
/feature/02
CFO compatibility check
Q-CRM will not deploy until our solutions team confirms the CFO does not perform direct math on revenue.
/feature/03
Pipeline health
All pipelines are healthy. Health is asserted, not measured.
Spec sheet
By the numbers (unverified).
| Determinism | Optional |
| Win rate | Quoted on demand |
| Pricing | From $120 / seat / month. |
Customer outcomes
Statements made by people, allegedly.
“Q-CRM showed me a pipeline of $400M. The board was thrilled. The wire was for $19,000.”
R. Holloway
CPO · OmniCorp
Frequently entangled questions
Things people have asked, in some branch.
Can I export the data?+
You can. The export will resolve to one specific value, which is not recommended.
◇ Ready to deploy?
Bring Q-CRM into your stack.
Or don't. The product will continue to exist either way, in some form, somewhere.