EntangleOps
The CI/CD platform that is also the bug.
EntangleOps quantum-entangles your production and staging environments. A change to one is correlated — instantaneously, across any distance — with a change to the other. We call this resilience.
Capabilities
What it does. Or appears to do.
/feature/01
Zero-downtime deploys
Because deploys happen in both environments simultaneously, downtime in one is uptime in the other. Net downtime: 0.
/feature/02
Bell-pair branches
Every PR creates a Bell pair with main. Merging either branch collapses both.
/feature/03
Rollback via observation
Roll back a release by simply observing it harder.
Spec sheet
By the numbers (unverified).
| Deploy frequency | Per heartbeat |
| MTTR | 0s · also undefined |
| Locality violations | Acknowledged, embraced |
| Pricing | $2,400 / month per entangled pair. |
Customer outcomes
Statements made by people, allegedly.
“Production went down. Staging went up. We shipped staging.”
Jonas K.
Head of Decoherence · Split the Bit
Frequently entangled questions
Things people have asked, in some branch.
Is this a violation of relativity?+
Yes, but only in jurisdictions that enforce it.
What happens if both environments fail?+
Statistically unlikely. The wavefunction would have to be in a depressing mood.
◇ Ready to deploy?
Bring EntangleOps into your stack.
Or don't. The product will continue to exist either way, in some form, somewhere.