◇ QBIT $4,201.07 ▲ 14.2%◇ BREAKING: Split the Bit achieves quantum supremacy over a TI-83◇ Q-COFFEE™ now ships in superposition (hot AND cold)◇ Series F led by a hedge fund that does not technically exist◇ Schrödinger's roadmap published — both shipped and not shipped◇ Qubit count: 4 · also 4,000,000 · we will not be taking questions◇ ψ-CLOUD region us-east-∞ now generally available in the multiverse◇ QBIT $4,201.07 ▲ 14.2%◇ BREAKING: Split the Bit achieves quantum supremacy over a TI-83◇ Q-COFFEE™ now ships in superposition (hot AND cold)◇ Series F led by a hedge fund that does not technically exist◇ Schrödinger's roadmap published — both shipped and not shipped◇ Qubit count: 4 · also 4,000,000 · we will not be taking questions◇ ψ-CLOUD region us-east-∞ now generally available in the multiverse
ψSplit/the/Bit
← All field notes
Product·March 14, 2026

Introducing QuantumCoffee™ 2: now with managed observation

By Halle Vox, VP Probabilistic Marketing

When we launched QuantumCoffee™ in 2025, we made a single bold claim: every cup is brewed in superposition, and the lid collapses the wavefunction the moment you open it. Reviews were mixed. Some users got espresso. Some users got iced coffee. Two users got soup.

Today, we are proud to announce QuantumCoffee™ 2, with Managed Observation™. With Managed Observation™, the timing of wavefunction collapse is no longer left to chance, the lid mechanism, or whichever of your coworkers is around. Instead, our companion app schedules collapse during a window that aligns with your calendar, your circadian rhythm, and our enterprise pricing tier.

QuantumCoffee™ 2 also introduces three new states: Cold Brew, Hot Brew, and an undecidable third state our engineers are calling 'Brew*'. We do not yet know what Brew* tastes like. Early focus groups are excited and afraid.

Pre-orders open today, in some timelines.

Disclaimer

This post may have been written. The author may exist. Forward-looking statements herein are not guarantees of any specific timeline.